3 More Months!

Last Saturday, June 12, while cooking for our house blessing that afternoon, I received a call from the fertility clinic telling me that they received the results from my Day 3 blood tests and that apparently, I was not immune to Rubella.  They recommended I get the shot before I begin my fertility treatments. I said fine, that's no problem at all.

So the following Tuesday, while waiting for the MOA to prepare the MMR (measles, mumps and rubella)shot, I asked my family doctor if he got the results to my Day 3 bloods tests.  He said he did and apparently my FSH levels are normal (below 9), my LH levels are normal and my Androgen levels are normal.  Great, good news.  However, since I am getting the MMR shot, he told me I had to restrain from TTC for three months since becoming pregnant with a fetus infected with rubella can result with me having to terminate the pregnancy!! (see Blueberry Muffin Baby)  I really didn't want to hear that! But then I thought, well, we waited almost two years, might as well wait for another three months.  He advised me that we need to use contraceptives for the next three months! I mean, B and I have not used those for a long time!

I guess it's better that I go through all this now rather than later.  It's just that sometimes it's so hard to see the positive side when everything seems so... negative.

Tomorrow, I will be going for my HSG.  With all my blood work turning out to be normal, I'm getting extremely nervous about this procedure.  I mean, what if my tubes are blocked?  What if they tell me that the only option I have is IVF?! What if! What if! What if! I seriously should just learn how to relax!

I Have What Now?!

My family doctor, after almost two years of unsuccessfully trying to conceive, finally referred me to a fertility clinic. After two months of waiting, I finally met my RE (Dr. T.) yesterday.  She took one look at my first set of blood work, asked me questions for 5 minutes and then said, "You have PCOS". Stunned by how quickly she was able to diagnose my case, I asked her how she knew that and she replied by saying "Well, just by looking at you and then looking at your blood work..."

Excuse me? "By looking at me...?!"

She then went on to explain that I had the following textbook symptoms of PCOS:

Acne? Check.
Excessive hair? Check
Irregular periods? Check
Slighty high cholesterol? Check, check!

Awhile back, I had self-diagnosed myself with PCOS but people kept saying that I probably do not have that.  After all, when I went for my pelvic ultrasound in March the technician found no cysts, no fibroids.  After awhile, I forgot about that and somehow managed to think that the reason I wasn't having regular visits from AF was because of stress.

But I guess I was right the first time. I do have PCOS.

Good news is, I still have a chance of getting pregnant.  Bad news is that having PCOS makes me more susceptible to having diabetes, cancer of the uterus and if I ever do get pregnant - miscarriages, pre-eclempsia or gestational diabetes.

I didn't know how to react. Should I jump for joy or cry?  Instead I fought back tears of frustration (or was it happiness? I still can't tell...) and told her that I'm glad to hear that.  She then told me that that day, she had  to tell three couples that they couldn't have a baby... ever. And then she told me that "If we can't get a skinny, 28 year old woman like you pregnant, then we should hang up our shingles."  I almost jumped out of my seat to hug her.

DH, who was sitting beside me, suddenly smiled and said, "At least there's hope".

To be honest with you, I don't really know how I should feel.  There are times when I'm so sad, I can't think straight but there are times when I just feel... so hopeful.

E. said that at least now I know what's wrong with me and that there are ways to fix it, and she's right. I've been doing my research online and reading forums about PCOS and many people have suggested taking Wild Salmon Oil, Evening Primrose Oil and Flax Seed Oil along with my pre-natal vitamins and folic acid.  So I will be taking those pills as well, hoping that in some way, it will be able to help me.

Sometimes I still wonder why God decided (is that the right word for it?) to let me go through this when there are so many women who have no problems getting pregnant.  Sometimes, I feel like I always have to work for what I desire, especially this.

I have never been a patient person.  Maybe this is God's way of teaching me to be patient.  To have hope and to rely on Him for strength instead of my own.  I just hope and pray that in the end of all this, I will be a stronger person... whether or not I get the miracle my husband and I have been praying for.